After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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