She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize