if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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