Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
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