I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
