in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
