Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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