And the cops told us we were all naked.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
