I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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