so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
