i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
