your parents love me but you hate me
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
