I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
