There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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