She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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