i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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