so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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