I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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