youre lurking in front of me
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
