just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
id be glad to
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
