We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
So gin and wine won't be happening again
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
