You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
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