Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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