You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
