who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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