He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
