I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I can't put those talents on a resume
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
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