If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Randomize
