If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
