I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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