I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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