Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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