I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize