So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Randomize
