I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
