A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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