we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
