I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
