Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
