so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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