I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
