I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
