im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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