they need to just BURY HIM!
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
