i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
