his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize