I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
