My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
