Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
