I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
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