Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
