Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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