i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
