if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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