I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
