Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
