And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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