Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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