I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
