HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Boobs speak an international language.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize