He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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