He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
