he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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