It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Randomize
