I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
