windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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