My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
