I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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