theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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