At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
This house was built for laser tag.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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