Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Randomize
