Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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