He kissed a someone with a penis
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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