I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
My bed smells like the plague
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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