Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
