Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Randomize
