Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He passed out mid-signature
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
