If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
