I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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