It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
