the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
